Tempering the Blade
By Jim Kuiken
Adversity sucks. Hard times, desperation, worry, heartache, pain and suffering. Why does the other guy have it better than me / my family, etc? Some people just glide through life without a care, everything always goes well for them – finances, “power and privilege” …
Frankly, I don’t give a $#!+ about how well others have it. As long as they came by it legally, good for them! I don’t care one way or another about those who are doing well. It has nothing to do with me or mine – and I don’t ascribe to the idiocy of envy, jealousy or coveting – or of taking away from those who “have” to give to those who don’t.
What I do care about is those who don’t have, those who struggle. But I don’t believe in giving them someone else’s money, property, or success. I do believe in helping them find opportunity to make it on their own, with their own drive, determination and guts.
Like many of you, I know what it is to struggle. I’ve been to the top, back to the bottom, and back to the top (and back to the bottom) many times in my life. And I’ll bet many people who appear to have it all together actually have too. I’m always careful of assuming, because you never know what struggles (external or internal) that others have or are going through.
When I say that, most people assume (there’s that word again…) that what I’m talking about when I mention my own background is the 30 years as a combat Marine, my time as a Firefighter/EMT-A, and my time as a Law Enforcement Officer / Agent (LEO). Yeah, I’ve seen some rough times there, in some very bad places, losing some friends in very bad places, and seeing the heartache and depravity that only Firefighters and LEO’s see.
But very few people know of some of the personal (external) struggles I’ve seen. Many have seen much worse, but these were just a few of mine.
The first time I got divorced, I had to walk away from my two young children (I still saw them, but I didn’t live with them anymore), and took my 12-foot camp trailer out to Gowan Field (the military reserve center behind the airport in Boise Idaho), where I parked it behind the USMC Reserve Center…in the winter… It was a very small trailer with no bathroom, a small sink and a bed, and not much else. I ran an extension cord and a hose into the back window of the reserve center for water and heat, and when I needed to use the restroom, I went inside the Center (which had anti-freeze in the toilet water to keep it from freezing), and stood in the deep sink (cold water only) to take a “bath”… And I had one box of canned goods, my clothes in trash bags, and my bicycle. It was a rough couple of months, especially since I had just lost my job as well.
After a while, a friend (and fellow Marine) took me in to his house (then a mobile home, when he lost the house because he also lost his job), and we scraped along. I even ended up standing in line at the food bank (for a big 5lb block of cheese, a large bag of flour, a box of powdered milk, and some salt) to get by when we ran out of food! Can you say biscuits and white gravy with sprinkled cheese, and some really watery “milk”? Kept us going for a while!
We both found jobs after a couple of months of searching, and things finally turned around! Life went on…until my second divorce.
Back in the 12-foot trailer behind the reserve center, one box of canned goods, my clothes in bags, and my bicycle. And someone stole my bicycle.
And life went on. I worked my way up (and had a few more deployments), and ended up back in law enforcement (Federal this time), as well as continuing my military (reserve by this time) career, and look how things turned out!
Adversity. Is it a bad thing? It’s rough, I’ll give you that…but is it bad? I actually pity those who have had perfectly smooth sailing. Many of them never learned the tough lessons, or how to stand on their own hind legs.
Adversity “makes (wo)men better or bitter”.
Adversity “separates friends, into the good ones or the bad ones”. Did they cut and run or walk away…or did they step up and stand by you? I know I had a bunch of the first, and a precious (and I mean that literally) few, who I can name. Who were there regardless of other’s opinions, or anything else. They stood firm.
Adversity is the true test of “(wo)men, friends, and family”. (and teams, and leaders!)
Do you know how to make a great sword? (yeah, I know…another example of one of Kuiken’s “linear” thought patterns…) Sorry! (not sorry…)
There are two extremes of swords. There is the stamped, molded or cold-pressed sword. It looks very nice, and is good to hang on the wall – but the first time you hit anything with it, it shatters, bends or breaks. It’s all flash, no fury.
And then there is the Katana (Samurai sword). I know there are a lot of great swords out there, but this one is my example
It is fired and beaten flat, then folded back on itself, put into the fire, and beaten flat again. And it is done all over again. And again – many times. These blades are so strong and perfect, that many of them last for hundreds of years, handed down through families for centuries – and are still strong and sharp.
It is the tempering, the careful beating into shape without breaking, and repeating this over and over that gives the weapon its shape and durability.
Adversity. Celebrate it, embrace it! It will tell you about yourself, your friends and colleagues, and those you hold the closest. It will separate out the chaff and the wheat. And it will strengthen you or break you…a lot depends on you and how you view it. And when it gets to be too much, talk to someone. Consider them part of tempering, and keeping you from breaking. It can only make you stronger.